Friday, July 10, 2009

what to do

Calling all crackpots; I need to figure out what to do with my web site. It's all about me being a triathlete. However, my arms are too weak to do much more than tread water (though I can tread the shit outta whatever water you got. I don't want to brag, I'm just sayin' that if I tread your water, it's going to stay tread.) so I'm not much of a triathlete anymore.

I read somewhere that, internet-wide, religious web sites just barely outnumber porn sites. That makes my web decision easy. I can either;

a) Start a religion
- or -
b) Become a porn star

There's pros and cons of each. I don't think my personality is magnetic enough to be anyone's messiah (this blog only has 2 followers after all). Also, I can't walk on water. (but when it comes to treading water, oh wait - we already covered that) However, I could shoot some video of me walking on a green screen and comp it on to some water video in Final Cut Pro. That would make for some pretty convincing home page footage. The religion itself will be about peace, love and all that crap. Oh, and you have to bike to work on Fridays.

As for becoming a porn star... lets say I don't have the "talent" necessary to break in to the biz. On the other hand, Photoshop to the rescue! Just a bit of work with the magnetic lasso, some free transform, and maybe a quick application of the 'bulge' filter and my calling card photo is ready. All I'll need is a cool stage name like "Brock Rockwell" or "Rod Boulders" or "Saul Shaftstein". I'm a Flash video pro, so getting my vids online would be easy.

P. Nisishuge. Peter Upman.

What say you, internet minions? Should serve a higher power or a lowly vice?

P.S. I could also redirect it to this blog, but that option is a distant third.


jidana said...

Do I even need to tell you what I think?!

geo said...

Just be yourself.

Joha said...

hmmm. tough decisions

Anna said...

how about a religion based on worshipping porn? i'd TOTALLY buy into that. i also know a certain Rod Longman who would make a great minister.
(or you could do the practical thing and dedicate it to your freelance work.)

shockstar said...

i was in the same frame of mind as anna with combining the two...but being that this is your website maybe it should be a religion based on the worship of your "manhood". just sayin...