Thursday, September 18, 2008

if its war they want, its war they'll get

A funny thing happened after a run earlier this week. A 6 year old challenged me to a snowball fight. Seriously.

I was stretching in front of the house after an hour long run. It was 80 degrees. The kid across the street said "Hi Colin." and then layed this on me;

"This winter we're going to have a snowball fight, and its going to be my house against your house. So you better get ready."

Then his three year old sister pipes up with "We're having a snowball fight and you better be ready."

Damn right I'll get ready. Those little punks are going down!

The three year old has a twin brother, so they easily out number me. I'm guessing Marney won't assist me in crushing the neighbor kids - so I'm on my own. Six small hands can prepare ammo faster than my hand & a half. Ever try making a snowball one-handed? It ain't easy.

What I lack in numbers, I can make up for in range. Six year olds can't chuck a snowball more than 20 feet, and there's at least 25 feet of road between us. I have the additional advantage of controlling the high ground. Our front yard is a good 3 or 4 vertical feet above the neighbors. My plan is to prepare a bunch of snowballs in advance, then lob them at the kids artillery style.

I'll need to take the six year old out first, he's the tactician. The twins don't have much snowball fight experience. The kid's main weakness is his eyesight. He wears glasses, so a few direct hits to the face will knock off his specs, or at least make them difficult to see through. With their commander unable to give orders, the twins will be easy targets.

You may think pelting children with snowballs is mean. Well they started it. I'll do my best to only knock out their baby teeth.

I'm going to set up some sort of snowball range in the basement. I need to work on my accuracy. Three year old kids have tiny heads which are hard to peg from a distance. I might even hire a pitching coach.

Those kids won't know what hit 'em.

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