the gimpy gourmet

Here are a few gizmos i use in the kitchen on a daily basis.

Top left is the mezzaluna knife. It's kinda like what would happen if the rocker knife and a hatchet got down and then had kids... somehow. Also, it chops herbs! Woo!

Moving along in a clockwise fashion, we have the garlic robot. It's basically a mini-cuisinart which is powered by rolling it back and forth on the little grey wheels. It dices 3-4 cloves at a time. I suppose one could use it for making pesto a tablespoon at a time too.

Finally, we have an herb / leafy green slicer my sister gave me. I forgot what it's called, so I refer to it as "Satan's pizza wheel." It slices basil four times faster than a single blade. Also, it's wicked fun to use.

Just don't confuse it with your pizza cutter. Eating 'za a quarter inch at a time is a major drag.

rock-o-lantern

Happy Halloween, badasses.

tattoo idea

My sister thought of a good tattoo for me. She quickly sketched it on a post-it note, scanned it, and emailed it to me.I gotta say, it's pretty badass.

YESSSS!!!!!!

Our favorite band has a new studio record. RAWK!
This one looks heavy.

what's all this then?

Can anyone identify this thing?

The good folks at the ALS Association of Minnesota (the same people who introduced me to the Rocker Knife) sent this doodad my way. It consists of a leather shoelace, a hard plastic loop thingy, six brass washers, a 1.5 inch eye loop bolt and a wing-nut holding it all together.

This hodgepodge is like, a MacGyver wet dream or something.

Last week at the doctor (diagnosis is still Probable ALS, F.Y.I.) I mentioned I had trouble holding my arms up when I run. I thought perhaps it was an arm-holding thing. There's no way this thing could hold up my arms... or anything else for that matter.

The wing-nut implies I should loosen it up, but to what end? There isn't even a brand name on this sucker to offer a clue to it's pedigree!

First person to identify this device wins a beer or five bucks or a freakin' Nobel prize.

UPDATE!

It's a key assist device. It's supposed to make turning a key, like when starting the car, easier. It doesn't work great, but it's the thought that counts.

the rocker knife in action

A surprising number of people have asked me about how well the rocker knife works. I figured it would be easiest to just show you the thing in action:

Rocker Knife is Back

You couldn't stay away from Rocker Knife. You knew it.

Thank your lucky stars your face hasn't melted yet.

And the track list:

Possibly the coolest, and easily the most Metal utensil ever

Right. Long story short, my diagnosis of Monomelic Amyotrophy has been changed to Probable ALS. That means my symptoms don't match MMA anymore, but they don't yet match ALS. The good news is that the fine folks at the Minnesota ALS Association are here to help. They provided me with a sweet shirt button hook buttoner thingy, some rocking jar-opening sticky stuff, and this:

That bad mo-fo is called a "rocker knife". Honestly. These should be in every store. See it demolishing that New York strip? I just lay my hand on the object to be cut, rock my hand back and forth, and cut the holy hell out of that thing. I can't believe these aren't available to the general population at Target!

I thought "Rocker Knife" sounded like a good title to an album for a metal band. So, here it is:
(click for larger view)

And...I'd be remiss if I didn't make a tracklist for such a heavy CD.