Saturday, May 9, 2009

Possibly the coolest, and easily the most Metal utensil ever

Right. Long story short, my diagnosis of Monomelic Amyotrophy has been changed to Probable ALS. That means my symptoms don't match MMA anymore, but they don't yet match ALS. The good news is that the fine folks at the Minnesota ALS Association are here to help. They provided me with a sweet shirt button hook buttoner thingy, some rocking jar-opening sticky stuff, and this:

That bad mo-fo is called a "rocker knife". Honestly. These should be in every store. See it demolishing that New York strip? I just lay my hand on the object to be cut, rock my hand back and forth, and cut the holy hell out of that thing. I can't believe these aren't available to the general population at Target!

I thought "Rocker Knife" sounded like a good title to an album for a metal band. So, here it is:
(click for larger view)

And...I'd be remiss if I didn't make a tracklist for such a heavy CD.


Anna said...

THAT was the most amazing blog entry EVER. i would totally buy that album. i loved the photoshopped blood-splatter on the rock-chop. you should make t-shirts.

colin said...

I should make shirts!! Check your book of all known metal bands and see if 'rocker knife' is in there.

Anna said...

as of 2007, there was no metal band called "rocker knife" - so you are good to go! I did, however find "knifewound" and "roctum" (haha - you have GOT to check this out: - maybe they could open for "rocker knife"??

Julie said...

Colin... you twisted man... I COULD NOT stop laughing through the Rocker Knife playlist. Not giggling, full blown gut wrenching gales of laughter. Ben (who was reading it for the third? time) also was trying to contain the fits of laughter.

Julie said...


Ari said...

I saw the link to your post through Ben's blog. That is the best entry I have ever seen. I hope your health improves and that you get a good diagnosis.
best to you and keep them coming!
from Sycamore, IL.