there's hope for the future

Kids are hilarious.

Last weekend, my little 7 year old cousin-in-law & I did a little post-xmas rocking out on my drum set. I kept time on the high hat while she wailed on the toms & occasionally gave the ride a workout.

After a couple of "songs" (each of which ended when she hit the crash cymbal) she said, "Let's play another one!" She then proceeded to raise her little arms above her head, band her drum sticks together four times, and count off "One, two, three four!" before tearing in to another song.

She never saw me do that, she just did it on her own. Maybe she's in to Loverboy or something.

I wish I was that cool when I was seven.

it's about time i put some original art on this mo-fo

Many moons ago, when I launched my website, I suggested that anyone else with Monomelic Amyotrophy contact me so we could start a metal band called "Bring Out the Gimp". Several dudes with MMA have contacted me & referenced my theoretical band in their email, which is awesome. Incidentally, if we ever do start an MMA band called Bring Out the Gimp, do not come see us. Seriously, you will not survive our live show. We will rock that hard. There will be a five kilometer safe zone around us. We will melt the devil's face. Satan sold his soul to our band to keep us from turning our amps up past "8". I might ask my brother-in-law join us on stage. He's the 6' 6" singer of Mantys and sounds like this.

Seriously, don't come to our show.

Anyhoo, I haven't designed suitably 'core album cover art for our band yet. Although, I figured once our gimpy band starts rocking, other gimpy bands are sure to follow. As such, I spent my evening (my Friday evening, because that's how much I love other MMA-havers out there) designing logos for pro-neuron disease bands who want to rock. Rip these off as needed. Contact me if you need a high-res version for your MMA band.

Amy O'Trophy - traditional Irish folk music

Atrophy - probably some hipsters re-hashing the Strokes

Amy-O - bad ass female rapper. She'll cut a bitch.

Neuron Disease - Heavy duty Russian punk band. They're connected. I'm just sayin'.

the monomelics - Here's a logo for a sad-sack emo band. Mopey bastards.

out of context

Contextual advertising is pretty neat. It's the technology that displays online ads that are relevant to your interests. If you read a news article on digital cameras, odds are you'll see some camera ads in the page's ad space.

Facebook does contextual ads too. I usually see ads for triathlon equipment or bands I'm interested in (since that info is in my profile).

Lately, I'm seeing this ad a lot:

What. The. Hell?

First, how did Facebook guess I'm tired of waxing? I don't even mention ski wax in my profile! Second, the guy in the ad is clearly shaving his chest. Shouldn't the ad ask if I'm tired of shaving? Maybe the art department thought this photo was easier to comprehend. I've never seen a photo of a man waxing his own chest. If I did, I imagine my reaction would be, "What's all this then?"

I finally got around to reading the ad copy, where I learned the shaving man who is tired of waxing wants me to win 5 large in laser hair removal. I think lasers are pretty awesome and all, but I really don't need one scorching my torso. Did you notice that blondie is covering his nipple with his thumb while shaving? He's concerned, and he's only armed with a Gillette Mach 3. What precautions does one take with laser hair removal? I bet there's a number 5 welding shield and a lead apron involved.

To sum up; Facebook's contextual ads presented me with a trifecta of chest hair removal options because I'm a web designing triathlete from Minneapolis who likes Weezer & the Stones.

Makes perfect sense.

wow.

For the love of god, someone give these gentlemen a medal.

packin heat

I'm not sure how to feel about this thing. Behold the Palm Pistol:
It's a single shot 9mm pistol designed for the elderly & disabled. According to the Constitution Arms website, "It is ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have dexterity limitations or difficulty sighting and controlling a traditional revolver or semi-automatic pistol."

Wow, I'm their target market! I wonder if it comes with a cool holster. For $300, it better! The Palm Pistol may be easy to use, but it totally lacks the style of a Derringer.

I bring the noise, but I kinda phone in the funk

Here's the combo of neoprene & velcro that facilitates my rocking of the drums.

It was originally designed to alleviate tennis elbow pain. Turns out it also alleviates non-drumstick-hold-ification. I can usually make it through a song or two before I need to adjust it.

I hear both my drumming, and whatever song I'm playing along with via iPod, in my headphones. Everyone else just hears muffled tapping. The first time my father in law heard me drumming, he asked my wife if one of the cats was barfing. Seriously. My drumming sounds like a cat puking. That's how hard I rock. Apparently.

After playing Rock Band, I looked for info on the game being used for physical rehab. Surprisingly, I couldn't find any. The Wii seems to have the video game PT (Physical Therapy) market cornered.

I also couldn't find any articles about drumming being used for PT (though it's been done for music therapy). I guess no one else with a degenerative motor neuron disease ever though, "Well, I can't play guitar or mandolin anymore. I better learn to drum." I love the way my screwy mind works. That bass-ackwards pile of grey matter never does me wrong.

I do know that no matter how good I get, I'll never be the best disabled drummer of all time. Most people think of Rick Allen from Def Leppard when you say 'disabled drummer'. He lost his left arm in a car accident, but continued with the band by playing an electric kit.

However, Rick Allen wasn't the first. A guy named Stevie beat him to it.





Holy. Shit.

Did you see that?

Hummingbirds don't move that fast.

with one hand...

You know the expression, "I can do that with one hand behind my back"? That has lost all meaning for me. Pretty much everything I do, I could do with one hand behind my back. That's the beauty in having a useless left hand.

Now that presents a dilemma; do I stop using that expression, or do I run it in to the ground?

"Build a website in a day? I could do that with one hand tied behind my back".

"Cook dinner for a dozen people? I could do that with one hand tied behind my back"

"Blog about a rare motor neuron disease? I could do that with one hand tied behind my back."

Yeah, I'll stop using that expression. I'm already sick of it.