creative writing

Lately a lot of people have been telling me that I should write a book. Apparently, I'm entertaining... or at least tolerable. I've also heard from more than a couple sources that my writing has a "cinematic" quality. The logical thing to do is combine 'book' & 'cinematic' and write a screenplay. Here are a few ideas I'm knocking around...

Meth Lab! The Musical
It's a magical adventure through middle America - fueled by speed, Mt. Dew, and a bitchin' 70s inspired score.

"We're going to start a meth lab, here comes some cash,
If the coppers show up, away we'll dash!
We'll stay up for days cooking Sudafed
When we're done, we're not going to bed!
Our buddy Dave just stole anhydrous ammonia,
If the lab blows up, t'was nice to know ya!"

...aaaaaand - Jazz Hands!

Time Traveling Vampire Zombies
This one is pretty self explanatory.

Teen Sex Comedy Iteration #213
It's the last day of senior year, and these guys are ready for love! (fast pans/jump cuts of hot teen guys) Too bad they're students at (sound of record scratching) an all boys military school! (cue song "What I Like About You"). Now - they're going to find out that 'don't tell' (cutaway to mousy-looking dude leaning about Astroglide^® from studly guy) doesn't mean you can't ask! Starring Disney's cutest teen actors and Tim Curry as some sort of pseudo-father figure who is also a total queen.

Vacation For Satan
Even the Prince of Darkness needs a break! Join Mephistopheles as he tours the desert South West by motorcycle. He befriends wayward souls and travelers, imparting upon them his unique world view. Watch as he mentors a young runaway through some tough family times. Eventually, everyone realizes that Satan has it all figured out... hanging out with your friends, gambling, drinking, doing drugs, and dressing fashionably are waaaaay cooler than being good enough to get in to heaven. I mean, no booze? F that. Oh, the film's score will be composed by Slayer.

Hotdish Riot
Mocumentary about the annual County Fair Casserole cook-off in a small Minnesota town. Who will win the grand prize? Cast of characters includes a cute little grandma who swears like a sailor, the Lutheran pastor's wife - a closet drunk who longs for the old days as a Las Vegas stripper, a Vietnam vet who cooks casserole as a form of PTSD therapy and takes pot-shots at the mailman daily and a plucky high school senior who might poison her competitors in pursuit of the blue ribbon.