Thursday, January 29, 2009

live blogging an MRI - theoretically

I had a MRI of my neck done the other day. Just a follow-up because thats what my doctor likes to do. Which, of course, means my insurance covers it.

I thought it would be cool to liveblog the MRI (blog about it as it happens). Unfortunately metal and high powered electromagnets, like the ones in MRI machines, don't play nice. So I tried to commit the experience to memory and then expunge it in theoretical liveblog format. Enjoy.

6:26 PM - I can't believe they are open this late.

6:28 PM - I hate these dumb forms. Ooh - I get to choose an XM radio station to listen to in the MRI tube. The all hair-metal station is tempting, but... 24/7 Led Zeppelin station, here I come.

6:29 PM - I am going to rock the hell out in that MRI machine. I hope they play Kashmir.

6:30 PM - There's a box I need to check if I have a penile implant. What the hell is a penile implant made of? Also, what is a penile implant? Note to self - work on penile implant punchlines before next MRI.

6:32 PM - This nurse is the hottest nurse I have ever seen. (editor's note; Seriously. Wow. Picture Penelope Cruz as the hot doctor in Sahara, glasses and all, only hotter and with darker hair. Seriously.)

6:35 PM - Remove all metal objects. Check.

6:36 PM - Laying on a slab. About to go in a magnet tube. MRI tech guy informs me the 24/7 Zep station is seasonal. That's right, seasonal. The christmas station is on all year, Zep is November 1 to December 31. I'm going with 60s and 70s classic rock instead.

6:37 PM - Tech dude puts a weird cage thing over my neck. It's all white & sorta looks like what would happen if Apple designed the lower portion of Darth Vader's helmet.

6:38 PM - I'm in the MRI machine tube. Here come the tunes... wait for it... Grand Funk Railroad! We're an American band indeed.

6:39 PM - What the hell is that klaxon alarm!?!? Oh yeah, it's the MRI doing it's thing. Soothing.

6:45 PM - Wait, is this... I think it is...

6:46 PM - It is! "Won't Get Fooled Again" by The Who!


6:50 PM - Keith Moon was the shit.

6:53 PM - I hope the next song rocks. Kick Out the Jams would be perfect.

6:54 PM - Your kidding me. It's "All You Need is Love" by The Beatles. These guys need to work on their playlists. Helter Skelter would have worked.

6:56 PM - Leaving the tube. Time for a contrast injection.

6:57 PM - I ask the MRI tech if he'll be able to hear me in the tube if I sing along with The Who. He tells me not to because I'll move too much. This guy has no sense of humor.

6:58 PM - I bet that hot nurse would have laughed.

6:58 PM - I wonder who they practice on when learning how to inject someone. It seems tricky, but then again, heroin junkies do it.

7:00 PM - Back in the tube for scan number two.

7:01 PM - Hey, it's a Doobie Brothers tune. That'll work.

7:03 PM - Without LOOOOOOOooooooOOOOVE!

7:05 PM - I wonder what they do if a really fat guy needs an MRI. It's not exactly spacious in here.

7:06 PM - Thank god I didn't go to Chipotle for dinner. Farting in this thing would suck.

7:08 PM - I could go for a Hopslam and some nachos.

7:09 PM - Hey, I'm done!

7:10 PM - Again, this nurse is the hottest nurse I have ever seen.


Anna said...

"I wonder who they practice on when learning how to inject someone. It seems tricky, but then again, heroin junkies do it. "


I'm going with a cantaloupe.

Also what was the result of this ordeal? What did the doctor have to say?

colin said...

My results were all normal. My neck kicks ass.

Call Me Avis said...

You ever have them screw up the contrast injection? Contrast dye under the skin is really FAIL.. Speaking of MRI's I need to get one done at some point it's been a bunch of years and it looks like I might have some issues with my left arm now..